One of those Days

The Art of Talking To Yourself

When you woke up this morning, what was your first thought? I hope it was something along the lines of ‘Yay! It’s another day, and I’m so much looking forward to it!’. And what about when you saw your reflection in the mirror this morning? Again, I hope it was something like ‘Wow, you’re looking gorgeous!’.

I fear it wasn’t. Most likely it was not so flattering. It might’ve been outright mean: ‘Ugh! Look at you, no wonder you’re single’. Or ‘Why bother? I’m working from home today, so no one is going to see me’.

I might also have gone through a list of various #body ‘issues’: disappointed with my weight, frustrated with my hair, unhappy with my nose or chin, annoyed with my skin. Before I know it, I’ve scratched and squeezed, poked and prodded and created the ‘ugly’ face that was before only in my mind.

You know where I’m coming from because you’ve been there. And not only once.

A similar situation arises when I struggle to choose my clothes for the day because they’re too tight or too baggy or too frumpy or too boring. I #judge myself for everything, especially for being silly enough to buy clothing I know won’t fit (likely because one of the diet fads I tried told me to spend money on something I'd LOVE to fit into and know I won't – to have a goal to work towards (hasn't ever worked for me).

If you're like me – whether it’s a daily #struggle or the odd occasion – you know how difficult it is to get out of the gloom that started the day.

And it doesn’t get any better when I turn on the computer. I sit there, coffee in hand, and browse the latest posts on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. I read endless ‘inspirational’ quotes around how this day will be the most #perfect of all, how I'm #beautiful on the inside (I snort slightly) and how my thoughts become things (great, I’m thinking of those Gucci boots I saw!!). You also see around 30-50 posts from friends, including shares and pictures. And loads of adverts, some cleverly disguised as if coming from friends, all designed to make me want what I never knew I needed.

Within minutes I’ve seen pictures of people holidaying somewhere on the beach, people travelling on business to some cool city, people having a healthy breakfast, people looking great as they share their lycra morning jog – and not forgetting those motivational quotes.

By now I'm wondering where I'm going wrong with my life. So I get up to take another look at the #mirror, mindful of my thoughts (after all I did read those quotes!) – but no. It’s not happening. I just can’t see beauty that (in my mind) isn’t there, and I just feel so… inadequate.

I sit down and start work. I get through my to-do list, and the progress picks up my mood a bit. By lunch time, I'm more cheerful and get a ‘super-food’ salad (and a packet of crisps because salad on its own isn’t really that satisfying). After I eat, I stumble upon Facebook again, where my friend just posted the stats of a 40-minute lunch work out.

I wish I hadn’t had those crisps!

Quickly, I close the browser window again and concentrate on work. But the thoughts are nagging away at me in the back of my mind: why did I have those crisps? I'm too fat anyway! And my skin! My shoulder angel (or is it the devil?) chimes in: "Honestly, shouldn’t you know by now? You must be stricter with yourself. You’re just not good enough and won’t ever be the beautiful swan you hoped to be."

In the evening, I do a bit of yoga with an app I downloaded (one of those Facebook adverts to be sure). Having done nothing for a few weeks, it quickly starts to be uncomfortable, and I'm once more confirmed in my knowledge that I'm just not one of ‘them’ (you know who I mean!).

As I fall asleep, I remember that quote, ‘Thoughts become things’. And that’s true, right? So I can think myself beautiful. I just have to remember it as I get up in the morning and greet myself ‘Wow, you’re looking gorgeous!’ when I see myself in the mirror.

We all have days like this. And we all wish that thoughts would become things - the good ones. And they do; but not only the good ones. That's why every time I think 'I'm ugly' I manifest that into my life. We need to calibrate our thoughts to be kinder with ourselves and others. Less judgmental and more positive. And put emotions behind your thoughts, love, happiness, excitement - they are catalysts on your way to manifesting. Just remember that sadness, anger and fear are also catalysts for attracting into your life what you don't want.

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Cotsworld, United Kingdom

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